Language Matters: A Client Story

As I met with coaching clients in the last two weeks, one thing became clear -- language matters. More importantly, creating shared definitions and norms around language matters even more.

When teams norm on language and the behaviors expected of their team, you create a solid foundation on which to build. However, most teams jump to doing the work. As a result, team members operate from their individual understanding of language and implicit cultural norms and behaviors that have been long practiced and left unquestioned.

What is left on the table when we don't operate with clarity around language and expectations?

An example of a word that needs a shared definition and norms is collaboration. Most people say they want a collaborative culture, but their behaviors are anything but collaborative. It is not always intentional, but rather an assumption that when we say we want a collaborative culture, everyone knows what that means.

When you begin to unpack what it means to be collaborative, you begin to realize collaboration is nuanced and multi-layered. There are pros and cons to being collaborative.

Truth Talk: If you want to work in a truly collaborative culture, expect conflict. Then expect to feel discomfort. Then recognize that people respond and engage with conflict in a variety of different ways. It can trigger our trauma responses of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. There is a difference between productive conflict and harmful conflict. This has to be discussed.

When people say they want to be collaborative but avoid conflict, then you do not have a collaborative culture.

How do you begin to create collaborative culture? You build the foundation by creating shared definitions and norms around collaboration and whatever words your team and organization value.

TRUE TEAM EXERCISE:

1. Choose one word your team

2. Pose the following questions and collect the team's ideas on a whiteboard or post-its. You want to come up with as many things as possible and then get to a consensus to create a shared definition and name behaviors that the team will uphold.

Example:

One Word: Collaboration

Questions:

• What does collaboration mean to me?

• If our team is collaborative, what behaviors do we expect?

• What feelings can collaboration bring up?

• What norms do we need to create around collaboration?

• What does productive conflict look like on our team? What does unproductive conflict look like on our team?

• How do our current meetings support or not support collaboration?

• What frameworks or systems can we create to improve collaboration?

• What other words does your team need to take through this exercise?

If you are struggling to get the train moving in the same direction or you know your team can work better together but you aren’t sure what the roadblock is, start with unpacking language. It matters.