Stuck and Unhappy: Maybe There’s Something To This True Self Journey

Experiences and words shape us. 

Often our view of self is shaped by external factors that tell us who we are and who we should be. As for me, I followed the praise, compliments, and early achievements to craft a life. 

Yet, just because you are good at something doesn’t mean it’s right for you. Sometimes when we only do what we are good at initially, we miss the vastness of our purpose and influence. We miss the opportunities that can take us to new places where we meet new people and discover new talents and things we love because we stay on a known path for too long. This is how I ended up stuck and unhappy. Yet, the gift of being stuck and unhappy is that it set me on the path to discover my true self. 

I remember experiencing what I call a “God whisper”. It was December 2016 and I was standing on the freezing streets of New York City. The previous summer I had launched a professional development program that was well received and had positive momentum. The experience of building something from the ground up had sparked something in me that felt like a calling toward my purpose. It was something I had never felt while teaching. As I stood on the sidewalk, the whisper was saying I needed to start my own company.

If you had told me then, I would be an entrepreneur who coaches leaders and facilitates group sessions using the tools and frameworks I created, I would have asked you to first define entrepreneur. This is the danger of labels. Labels limit. 

I have learned in my time as an entrepreneur and executive coach that I am exactly those things. In fact, my time as a teacher and a college social work major offered training that served as the perfect foundation for what I do now. 

In fact, my life held clues that this would be true for me. However, my path was clouded with unchallenged beliefs about myself and the world and habits of people-pleasing tendencies. I had (sometimes still do) a limited view of myself and the labels I had placed upon myself. All of which were keeping me stuck and halting my ability to take steps in the direction of my purpose.

The irony is so much of this was clear from a very early age, and yet, I couldn’t see it. I started coaching people when I was eleven years old. I taught swim lessons and then became a swim coach. Then a teacher. I’ve always been the friend that people come to if they need to talk something through, want fresh perspective and new ways of thinking, honesty, and a listening ear. 

Regardless, along the way, I let fear of not being good enough and choosing a more known path craft my way, rather than following the breadcrumbs of what excites me and brings me joy. Trusting that if I follow my own excitement, it will lead to exactly who I am meant to be. 

One of the exercises I come back to often is the power of naming our current and desired future. 

Here’s a simple exercise to move from stuck toward your True Self:

CURRENT STATE: How do you feel about your life currently?

DESIRED STATE: How do you want to feel? 

ROADBLOCK: What are the roadblocks?

ACTION: What’s one action step you can take to move towards your desired state?

I spent a lot of time crafting the desired state. I would write it down in my journal. Eventually I would begin to meditate on it. I continue to do both practices. What is interesting, everything I wrote in my journal and began to craft in the desired state after hearing the initial “God whisper” at the end of 2016 is now true of my life. 

Maybe there’s something to this true self journey?